#i actually looked up perpetual motion machines

[turbulentscrawl]

Alva Lorenz General HCs

You'll have for forgive me for any typos--this man's been on my mind for two days and I have to get these out. I'm too impatient to check everything hahah

-Alva did not actually betray Luca by passing off any pf Herman’s work as his own. Though he did always maintain some interest in the concept of a perpetual motion machine, Alva didn’t dedicate much time to working on it after Herman’s death. He did, however, start the fire which killed Herman in an outburst-fueled accident similar to how Luca later killed him. Alva, however, escaped suspicion of the event and was not legally punished.

-Alva knew Herman had a son and, though he never personally met Herman’s family, knew who Luca was through grapevine rumors. He agreed to take Luca on as his student partially out of guilt for his unexposed crime, and partially because he had no children of his own and quickly felt a certain parental urge for Luca. They shared a lot in common and got on very well, very quickly, and their relationship was great right up until the accident. The documentation that seems to indicate their relationship deteriorating is coincidental. (ex, Luca’s experiments slowly transitioning from both he and Alva signing off on them to just Luca was Alva giving Luca more independence because he trusted him, rather than them growing apart or secretive.)

-I think Alva may be autistic. He doesn’t require much in the way of accommodations, and he doesn’t have the sensory issues that Aesop does. However, his speech is sometimes overly flat, his view of the world a bit rigid, his social energy levels are low, he’s prone to bouts of depression, he fixates on his work a lot, and he often fidgets with things like pens and clothes. He enjoys touching various textures, and often expresses appreciation for the material of people’s clothes. Additionally, he’s made a living out of his special interest: inventive engineering.

-Alva is a solemn and polite man. He’s rather chivalrous, but reserved, and as a result was admired by many for his mysterious-gentleman air. “Hermit” is an apt name for Alva, however, as he rarely enjoyed the company of others. He especially felt overwhelmed in large groups. He has always preferred one-on-one socializing, and even that he had a smaller tolerance for than was typical for men of his class. Luckily, he doesn’t have much in the way of a temperament, so when he’s tired of socializing, he’s just that: tired. Sexy Old man.

-To specify, when I say chivalrous, I mean he’s the kind of man who holds doors open for others, offers his hand to help them up from a seat or down from some height, share his umbrella in the rain, and would even lay his coat in a puddle for a lady to cross over. He offers chivalry moreso to women than men, but if a man presents as meek or shy enough in his presence he will extend the gestures to them as well, hoping to make them feel more comfortable.

-Alva’s only family at the time of his death was his wife. She was barren, and they had no children, and all the rest of his family had passed due to age or illness. Luca therefore became something of a surrogate son to Alva over the years. Though he sometimes struggled to show it, Alva cared for him like blood and always looked out for him.

-Alva didn’t care much about his overall predicament, after being resurrected. His religious proclivities were more for show than anything, so being a chosen of some…eldritch-cat-god is hardly the worst of his concerns. Until the manor, he hadn’t been expected to do anything he considered reprehensible or very immoral, so he’s always been fine with just completing his orders so he could go back to his work.

-After joining the manor, Alva’s only real comfort is his work. In life, inventive engineering was his method of self-expression, the way he interacted with the world, his reason for living. That changed a bit when his wife came along, and then again for Luca, but with those gone he’s back to his reclusive nature. It takes a long time for Alva to make friendships in the manor. He’s familiar with Ann out of necessity, but they’re merely cordial. With time, he becomes friendly with a small handful of others, but his melancholy is still pervasive.

-Inevitably, with enough time at the manor, Alva craves reconciliation with Luca. He doesn’t entirely blame Luca for what happened. At the end of everything, Alva knows the accident was an accident as well as a misunderstanding. (And also probably some kind of ironic, cosmic retribution for him killing Herman.) The trouble is, Luca does not remember him at all, or what happened. He knows from a few conversations that the boy’s cleverness is still in-tact, but his memories are almost entirely gone. As far as Alva is concerned, this means he’ll never get the closure of genuine, mutual apologies, and he’ll never have his “son” back. Not really.

-When Luca was his student, they were a powerful duo in public. Alva, despite being respectful and courteous to individuals, has never ‘jived’ with society as a whole. He doesn’t care about public opinion and is easily exhausted from public exposure. Luca, meanwhile, is a social butterfly. They were both charming, and worked out a system for any public appearances Alva needed to make: Luca would handle most of the talking—unless Alva’s interest was specifically sparked by some topic of conversation—so Alva could do his best to actually enjoy the atmosphere. And when Luca was ready to go, you best believe Alva was ready with their excuse to bail. The two were always favorites at any party or event, and always had interested suitors close at their heels.

-Despite being overwhelmed by conversation and crowds, Alva does enjoy the set-up for a lot of public events and parties. He likes the artfulness of decoration, and always takes time to appreciate the hard work put into setting up things like that (and once again, he loves to touch, feels the textures). He especially loves flowers. He occasionally finds loud music to be a bit overstimulating. Similarly, he likes fireworks, but requires earplugs to enjoy them fully.

-Alva’s age (at time of death) was somewhere between 40-45. His undead body is no longer aging, so physically he’s the same. Sometimes Alva misses his longer hair, but unfortunately that’s not growing anymore.

[hemingwaystan]

Dipper should have taken Ford's apprentice ship offer, change my mind.

I know this is a really hot take but I want to state my argument and hopefully change some minds. This is my controversial argument, I don't want to start a flame war so try not to do any screaming hate comments although I'm down with a calm debate about it, anyways, without further ado, a really, really long essay explaining it.

First, I'm gonna take about Dipper's relationship with Mabel and the parallels between the Stans and them. Obviously, the show is kind of arguing that Dipper needs to stay with her so their relationship doesn't go the way Stans but I honestly think that's an irrelevant concern because they reconciled after Mabel-land in relation to the apprenticeship. I legitimately believe when they actually see each other, they'll love each other like they did before. Their was never a relationship ruining event like with the Stans that could force a rift, nobody closed the window and no one broke the perpetual motion machine.

Second, I want to talk about what it would be like living with Ford. Because it's definitely the most, in my eyes, reasonable argument against taking it I've seen but I still think I can prove it wrong, WITH FACTS AND LOGIC, lol. First, Ford and Dipper have already bonded deeply by the end of the show and will even more, probably like way more. That's why I think they'll look out for each other a lot more than a lot of people think. Ford has to drink water, Ford has to eat, so does Dipper, they'll just do it together. And about household accomodations, y'know like all the things a house needs to have. They'll probably have better stuff than almost anywhere else, think about Ford's lightbulb and extend that to just about all issues. And then I know what you're thinking, money, and that's definitely a hard one to crack but I imagine they'll either acquire their food through weirder locations, y'know like buying shit from the gnomes or whatever. I know this would be tough for Ford but I'm sure he'll quickly rationalize it as studying the economics of the different creatures intelligent enough to buy and sell food. I also think for standard money, in relation to the things that just doesn't cover. I think Ford, for his low-danger inventions he would happily do what McGucket did, sell some patents or produce shit on the side. Ford wants to advance knowledge and society with science. He has any number of things he could do that with while committing almost all his time to research, for example selling the patents for the scientifically perfect lightbulb. That would take care of him for an exorbitant amount of time, probably living rich for life if he cared about that, which he doesn't so non-sequitor but he will be safe.

The third argument against it I've seen is that Ford would be a bad caretaker, I think this one can be easily argued against. Because, again they have a close bond and will likely only grow closer. And I can tell you why that means so much. I'm a child of divorce and I stayed with my dad. And he wasn't a very good caretaker by any means but we looked out for each other in all the ways needed to survive. I learned how to do all the household stuff by 12. They care about each other, they're both intelligent enough to know how to keep kicking. Also, despite not appearing it Ford is clearly a caring person, the problem is people miss that due to his relationship with Stanley but that's built on decades of distrust,

The fourth possible argument is that Dipper would grow up too fast. But truth by told, growing up fast is a good thing in my eyes. You learn how to take care of yourself at a young age, you grow closer with adults by sharing many of their issues and with other people Dipper's age he can just not mention it. Also most people's innocence dies around 13 or 14, or maybe I just had a shitty childhood, who fuckin' knows.

The fifth argument against it I've seen is Dipper's social life and that is reasonable but if we follow the admitted assumption Ford will give him a fair amount of free time. He still is in with Wendy's friend group and he'll probably regularly see them after school, he'll also have Pacifica as they're relationship was improving rapidly by the end of the show and I think it's unlikely but possible he'll reconcile with Gideon given his character arc, assuming it continues after the epilogue. And Ford will probably become friends again with McGucket helping his own social life.

And now we're gonna talk about the advantages of staying with Ford. First, Dipper will probably have the intelligence of having a PhD by senior year. He'll get into a college of his choice and later in life, if not at a young age will advance the knowledge of the human race at least a fair amount. He'll have an incredibly promising life no matter what he does it just seems science is the most likely option.

Second, I absolutely love Mabel but honestly, she is kind of holding him back. He has a future and a life in front of him and he only ever sacrifices for her and she really barely does anything of the sort. She does apologize at the end but I don't remember any long-term change. I don't blame her for Weirdmagedon though.

Third, I don't know about you but a childhood spent in Gravity Falls, studying anomalies would be fucking sick. I know that's a personal opinion but honestly, wouldn't it?

Fourth, in the Book of Bill and other sources it's regularly implied that Dipper/Mabel's parents are regularly fighting and their suffering from it. A household of Ford and Dipper would be totally unstable as I won't deny Ford is rather unstable mentally although as the series goes on he seems to improve in condition with Weirdmaggedon as an exception, but like who the fuck wouldn't flip out during that but even then he maintains his composure. Dipper would be mentally safer, especially if my reasoning for fighting counter argument against apprenticeship five holds, but also, he'll be and this is an inference dodging a childhood of fighting parents and probably a bad divorce, that traumatizes people.

Thank you for reading my incredibly long rant, I'm happy to provide a counter-opinion because it seems like literally no one has yet. I really hope that the opinion he should've can become more widespread because I think it deserves to be, thank you.

[all-pacas]

i think you're deeply in denial about being a chase/cam shipper or you gotta change your definition of shipping or something. because whatever you're doing here absolutely 100% looks like shipping them. to the untrained eye

in reality i have this very multi long paragraph disclaimer that's too convoluted to even explain but here ya go:

they are my two favorite characters

i like seeing them interact because of this fact

i find their deeply complimentary set of flaws fascinating. i love seeing cameron in a Relationship because she's such a fucking unreliable narrator about herself. i like seeing chase in a relationship because the very concept of "putting someone besides yourself first" is so antithetical to him and the opposite of what he has learned his whole life. i want to put them in a room together. i want cameron to talk at glowing length about her soulmate dead husband and how she watched him die and i want chase to talk about watching his mother die and how much he hates and resents her. i don't know where that conversation would go but i Want It. it's like how i want chase and 13 to talk about murder and redemption together. it is a platonic smashing together of fake people, not about making them kiss

i think they were badly written in the sense that like. there's no writing. they're just together. now they're not. now chase has feelings. do we see them? no. now cameron has feelings. do we see them? no. now they date for three years. as someone who likes writing and narrative this drives me insane because it's so lazy.

i think i could do it better, not in a "because i want to write uwu fixit fanfic where they kiss" way but in a "this sort of writing drives me insane" way. like. huddy was badly written too but it very much existed. cameron and chase are just "oh btw chase fell for her at some point for some reason during fwb." why???? we can handwave but there is NOTHING IN CANON. cameron likes him too! why??? WHO KNOWS

however i also find it annoying when people go "solution: they never dated, we pretend it never happened" because that's ALSO lazy and retcons several years of canon including cameron's exit from the show. including the actual character development chase gets, which i actually do like. i think i'm a rare person who almost prefers late series chase. i like short haired chase. and i don't like the idea of erasing all that canon development just because "uwu i don't like it" (or, more petty, because "uwu i think cameron should have kissed x -- usually house -- so i hate this canon relationship that like it or not did exist")

this ties in to my actual fairly complicated feelings about cameron and how a lot of fandom tends to Girlboss her up in obvious and admirable contrast to her years of reddit-ish character bashing. where i admire the Spirit but deeply dislike this Girlboss characterization.

basically i am a deeply contrary person by nature

so whenever i see this ship i go IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, and OUT OF SPITE I WILL DEFEND IT, which is a whole perpetual motion machine of feelings

i honestly could not care less about them kissing. except for the specific episodes where they allude to having a sex life and foreman all but flees the room. i actually care quite a lot about that, i think it's super funny. so in that context (in front of foreman, to troll him) i want them to make out.

i've gone and read old ffn stories from when the show was airing that featured them as a couple. like from true fans and believers of the ship. i disagree with almost all of it and think usually cameron and usually chase are ooc in these stories. but in different ways. this also triggers my spite

so sure. yes. i ship it. probably,

[red-riding-wood]

I’m so sorry about what happened to you and so many others. Disgusting misogynistic behavior. You all deserve so much better ):.

Also sending this bc I do believe he has made two new accounts. Drcranessweetestdoe and monsterfromthewoods. I have no proof these are him ,but it just strikes an absurd resemblance to his writing and he seemed to interact with both of them a few weeks ago. The first one hasn’t blogged in weeks either. Just seems strange. Once again though, I could be wrong. Just something for everyone to stay weary about. Stay safe ❤️

Thank you for the well wishes, anon! I really do appreciate you reaching out. <3

From my conversations with @drcranessweetestdoe, she does not behave like Kill (nor does her writing style compare to his), and I am pretty positive he is incapable (or at least very bad) at taking on different personalities since I believe I witnessed his attempt with the second account you mentioned. Aurora is very sweet, and she used to be a fan of Kill's writing and mine. I don't want people to be suspecting her of foul play because I do believe she is genuine. Kill has a pattern of reblogging fics as a way of seeing what victims he can latch onto and I see that as a coincidence with his reblog of Monster's.

As for @monsterfromthewoods... I was hesitant to make a callout, mainly because no one has actual solid proof that he is Kill. But, there is too much evidence for me to ignore, and I wanted to give my honest opinion and observations. Monster, if you are not this person, feel free to reach out and vouch for yourself, and if I am wrong, I am deeply sorry.

Fuck that. As I was typing this message up, I decided to check my DMs and noticed that my friend had said that he gave her the same name that, as of this morning, was revealed to me as his actual name along with his real picture and Facebook profile. That really sealed the deal for me. Here is the rest of my evidence to prove that this is "Kill":

Monster followed my friend around the same time that she blocked Kill.

Monster followed me the same day that I sent Kill a confrontational message, calling him out for his lies and pleading with him one last time for medical treatment and answers.

From the posts on Monster's account, and the one comment I know he made on my friend's post, his personality exactly fits Kill's. This is why I said I do not think he is capable or likely to be able to craft a believable persona.

Monster made a post about suicide, and a pro-Palestine post, the former of which Kill discussed with me a lot and the latter my friend pointed out as suspicious since Kill was also very strongly pro-Palestine. Seeing as Monster doesn't have that many posts yet on his blog, this isn't irrefutable evidence but it is very coincidental.

Lastly, I actually did my best to analyse and compare Kill and Monster's writing, since I had recalled a few things that stuck out to me when I read Kill's writing. Him and Monster share many similarities with their writing habits/consistencies. They are as follows (the examples listed are from 18+ content so please do not view if you are a minor):

Use periods and exclamation marks -- but never commas -- as punctuation to end dialogue tags.

Starter dialogue tag always facing outward. Like: ”So... Tight”

Tend to each use a snapshot style of writing, favouring incomplete sentences with frequent use of periods. Examples: K: "His mind, usually so sharp. Focused and organized like the most expensive machines. A killing machine, that worked in perpetual motion, living off killing, adrenaline used like a drug." M: "Your dear, understanding doctor. Doctor Jonathan Crane, who laughed out loud suddenly a couple moments ago. The dark colour covering his exotic looking eyes as he revealed his real nature to you."

Similarly, they both tend to avoid using possessive pronouns and determiners. Examples: K: "_ Pale, little pussy peaked from between her thighs." M: "The scars covering _ man's pale skin," _ = absence of "her, that, the," etc.

Often use adverbs after verbs in a way that feels out of place.

Capitalise after ellipses, always.

"Y/n" always has a lowercase "n".

Sometimes use three ellipses, often use only two.

Use "pants" but never "trousers".

Yeah, so, I may have spent way too much time on this. And I think most of this is redundant, now, especially after the name revelation, but still, I put work into it and didn't want it to go to complete waste lmao. I also had no idea until I was tagged today that apparently there are programs that do this sort of thing for you. Oops.

[honourablejester]

Heart: The City Beneath

For reasons, I’m assuming because I’ve been watching actual plays of various ttrpgs lately (Legends of Avantris playing D&D 5e, Nobody Wake the Bugbear playing Mothership, several others), I was recommended a video on a game called Heart: The City Beneath. Just a basic overview video, themes, tone, talking the game up a bit. But it sounded interesting, so I went to look up what the 9 playable classes were, just to see what kind of ideas we’re working with, you know?

And. Just from that online write-up. There was one particular class that caught my eye enough to go buy the actual game. Now, having read in more detail, there are several other classes that also sound really cool, but I still want to talk about the thing that caught my eye.

The Vermissian Knight.

Now. I would not ordinarily go for a very martial class when magical-type classes are an option. It’s just not usually how I roll. But the classes in Heart are all very, very setting-related, and all very, very weird, and the thing with the Vermissian Knight …

Okay. The setting for this game is Heart. The, well, City Beneath. There is a mile high surface city called the Spire, and then there is a vast living beating realm of something beneath it, called Heart. It is alive. It may be an extradimensional benevolent parasite. It might be a god-cocoon. It might be a seed of terraforming fuel. It might be a lot of things. But it’s definitely alive and weird and warps reality the further down into it you go.

The city above it, Spire, was run for ages by arrogant elves. And at some point, those elves decided that the city needed a mass transit system. A railway network, called the Vermissian. Right? But it wasn’t working, it was a lot of infrastructure, and funding was complicated, and power supply was an issue, and they wanted a way to hook the whole thing together and power it mystically. Right? So, what did they do? What does any arrogant race sitting on top of a magical weirdness bomb do when they suddenly need power? Yeah. They decided to core down into the Heart Itself, this mystical, weird-as-shit, possible god parked under their city, and they decided to hook their mass transit passenger network right the fuck into it.

It went, as you might imagine, horribly wrong. The reality-breaking weirdness of the Heart smashed up through the transit network of the Vermissian and nearly corrupted all of Spire above, save that the warding glyphs on the transit tunnels kept it confined. Within the system, time and space and reality got smashed and thrown about higgledy piggledy, and batshit monsters crept about the tunnels. The entire network was cut off, the stations abandoned, and Spire did its best to pretend there was never an attempted transit project to begin with. Just shove the whole mistake behind some condemned signs and pretend it never happened, boyos!

But the network is still there. The tunnels, the trains, the monsters. It’s hidden in Spire, but down in the Heart, the stations stand unguarded. Stuff leaking out. And people venturing in.

And the Vermissian Knight, as a character class, is someone who seeks to understand and patrol that network, to explore it and protect people from it. The class is built around armour, armour built from scavenged parts of eldritch trains. And the class builds …

Okay. In Heart, all characters are doomed. It’s a whole thing. This is not a long-form campaign sort of game. You will not last. Your character will die. So levelling is … you’re not building towards power, you’re building towards a climax. You’re building towards a spectacular end. Not necessarily death, but something that will take your character very dramatically off the board. And the Knights. Their Zenith Abilities, their capstone, dramatic ends, should they survive long enough to reach them. They can either bind themselves to a landmark, potentially a station on the line, or they can become a techno-organic titan, a biological perpetual motion machine that stalks the Heart and can be summoned by your surviving party as a deus ex machine, OR …

Or they can cast a death rite that summons the last surviving Vermissian train to tear its way through to them and crush them under its wheels, while also wiping out anything else in its path. Like. Your last, taking-you-with-me stand as a Vermissian knight is summoning a hell engine from a warped extra-dimensional transit network to plough through your enemies.

That. That is just so cool? Just. That whole concept. It’s so cool.

There are other classes in this game, and they are also pretty cool, don’t get me wrong. The Deadwalker, a person who died and came back haunted by the personification of their own death, able to potentially slip into the afterlife while living and bring people along for the ride. The Deep Apiarist, a person so determined to fight against the living chaos of the Heart that they have allowed themselves to become colonised by a megaconsciousness of order-inducing bees, in the most body-horror way possible (the bees go in through your nose and convert at least one of your organs to wax and paper to inhabit your body)(the Sunless Sea vibes are so strong with this one). The Hound, a group of mercenaries aided (and potentially possessed) by the spirits of the cursed survivors of a massacred army once sent to invade the Heart. The Junk Mage, magic addicts that eat scraps of power and make bargains with eldritch entities. There are a lot of cool classes in this game.

But the train knights. Just. The train knights. The image just enchants me. A cursed railway network, a twisted tangle of tunnels and weirdness, and the armoured paladins who seek to explore, understand, and protect those who encounter it.

I love it so much. I’m not fully sure why, what it is about that concept, that image, that so bowls me over, but …

I wanna play a train knight. A gnoll train knight, seeking enlightenment. Answers. I’m down here, in this strange, twisted place, because I want to know. What is it down here, in the Heart, that could do that to our network? What actually did happen to the network? I want to explore and I want to know.

(The Calling system is what you’re down in Heart looking for. Your class is what you are, your calling is what you want. There are five options: Adventure, Enlightenment, Forced, Heartsong, Penitent. You came for adventure, you came for answers, you came because you were forced to, you came because the Heart itself called you, or you came because you fucked up very badly and this is the only way to make up for it. Each calling gives you story beats that you can choose from along your quest for a suitable climax, and they’re really cool, and many of them encourage you to act, shall we say, incautiously. You’re not going to survive this, honey. Nobody comes down here who’s sane or sensible and likely to live long. So do something mad and dangerous and interesting with your time here. I actually really like that part of the system a lot).

Yeah. A Vermissian Knight, seeking Enlightenment. I would totally play that.

This is a boss-ass game, you know that? The setting is really cool.

[eternalera]

in the name of science!!

viktor and jinx are friends and are completing a science project together... although it turns into a gossip session (courtesy of jinx)

1k+ words

"So... are we gonna talk about it?" Jinx leans back in her swivel chair, almost threatening to tip it over and for a second Viktor considers tipping it over himself because of course Jinx mentions it. She never did have any clue what 'personal space' was, or maybe she did and just preferred bothering him. Honestly it could really go either way for her, and for him. The pestering was rather mutual.

He sets down his wrench and pushes the metal object that was previously in his hands aside. They were trying to make an energy generation machine, something that involved the physics of perpetual motion to create energy more easily, but apparently that is going to have to wait.

"Talk about what?" Viktor tilts his head as he turns it to look at her, mocking confusion. Maybe she doesn't even remember, well he could hope at least.

Jinx scoffs, blowing a tuft of blue hair out from her face. "The whole 'Viktor, you're my best friend!' 'Oh, how I couldn't do this without you!' 'I love you so dearly' 'Nothing in the entire world can ever compare to your genius!' " she mocked in a (rather bad) Jayce impression.

"That wasn't a very good impression," Viktor points out. If she's gonna be like this then might as well return the favor

"Pfft- alright-"

"You just vaguely lowered your voice,"

"Alright-"

"I think Vi does it better,"

Jinx got up from her chair and pushed Viktor almost out of his but he caught himself (on his bad leg, whether or not that was on purpose though is a mystery to him).

"Alright, that's enough. We're talking about Jayce here, not my impression of him-"

"Of course not, I could hardly even tell that it was him in the first place-"

"I'm going to push you out of your chair Vik,"

Viktor smiles at her innocently and looks back to their device, touching it as if he were examining it but not actually doing so. He knew what she was talking about. Jinx was convinced he and Jayce had something... a little more friendly going on, to put it into words. Something that he knew not to be true, and something he didn't like entertaining because he knew it not to be so.

"There's nothing to talk about,"

"Really? You could just stand in a dark corner and he'd find a way to praise you for it," Jinx crosses her arms, looking down on him. Viktor opens his mouth to respond before shutting it, he knows that it's the truth because he's practically done it before, giving a speech and then afterwards telling Viktor how helpful it was to have him there as support.

He did nothing the entire time, just watched.

"See! You're not even arguing!"

"Jinx this is due tomorrow we have to get this done-"

"Eh, I'll finish it later," she shrugs it off without a second thought -- typical -- and instead sits on the floor looking up at him smugly. "Anyways let's focus on the main point," she emphasizes.

"There is nothing between us-"

"And my name's Powder," Jinx hisses in retaliation.

Viktor looks at her and narrows his eyes. He might regret what he's going to say next but fuck it. It's nothing that she's not used to by this point.

"Technically it is-" he barely finishes his words before he's tugged down to the floor aggressively with no concern about his leg at all and jinx pointing one of her brightly colored nails in his face.

"Watch it legs,"

Viktor scoffs at the remark. Nothing they haven't said to each other before. She lets him go and he adjusts his seating to something more comfortable.

"You owe me now. Spill, do you find Mr. Golden Boy attractive, and if so why the hell are your standards so low?" It sounds more like a statement than anything. "Because he's attracted to you and at this point I'm gonna start making bets about when the two of you are gonna end up together-"

"That's never going to happen," Viktor says, a little too quickly, but he sees Jinx's confused face and decides that he should give her an answer. "I'm pretty sure that he likes Mel,"

"Mel!?" Jinx half shouts, there's a look in her eyes that makes Viktor regret everything. He just hopes that Mel can survive the constant teasing from Jinx, then again, she is strong. "The one in the debate club? The one on the student council?" She scoffs and this time flicks her hair out of her face. "She is way out of his league,"

Viktor looks at her in disbelief before-- wait.

"Did you just imply that I’m easy?” Viktor stares at her before Jinx shakes her head.

“I just asked you why your standards were so low earlier idiot,” She leans on her hands, placing them behind her back. “I- quit changing the subject!” She hissed leaning forward and slamming her hands down on the floor dramatically.

Viktor sighs and looks away trying to find an excuse when one came to him (and rather conveniently), his phone rang. He picked it up seeing Jayce’s contact, something that Jinx sensed and instantly began trying to grab the phone afterwards. Luckily though he picked up before she could hang up and continue their little session or whatever that was.

“Viktor! I’m so glad that you picked up! I was wondering if you could meet up right now possibly, I have this really cool new idea and I kinda need your help with it,” Jayce spits out rather quickly.

Viktor looks over to Jinx who’s looking over to their project (which she stopped doing) as if it was a reason to get him to stay with her. It’s safe to say that he wasn’t convinced.

“Yeah, I’ll be right over,”

“Yes! Thank you Viktor,”

“Of course, just send me the address,” Viktor hangs up, getting a rather annoyed look from Jinx. “What? He needs my help.” Viktor shrugs as if he wasn’t looking for an excuse to avoid their earlier conversation.

“Uh uh, whatever, I’m finishing it I guess?” she asks, pointing over to it. Viktor nods rushing out the door.

“Thanks!” He calls out.

“No problem, just tell me if anything spicy happens-”

“Nevermind,”

He hears her laughter on the way out the door.

[capn-twitchery]

buttercup for twitch and grace

Buttercup - Does your OC have any odd quirks/habits?

OOO let me think >:3c twitch up first but honestly it would be quicker to list what Isn't odd about twitch

obvious one is refusing to be seen without their glasses, those are very important!!

since they spend so much time at zee, they tend to walk oddly and sway when they're on dry land. zee legs too strong, ruined their real legs. (i wish i could find an irl example but this incredibly low quality jack sparrow video will have to do)

they are never, ever, still. if they're talking, they're gesturing. if they're thinking, they're pacing. if they're sitting, they're fidgeting around. if they're sleeping they are swinging the hammock. perpetual motion machine

terrible habit of hopping over the ship railing and just hanging over the side of the ship, for no reason whatsoever. yes they have fallen off before, yes they will fall off again, no this will not stop them

they make way too intense eye contact. you can't really tell, since you can't see their eyes, but i'm not sure if that makes it better or worse actually

not sure if this counts as a quirk but they 100% laugh way too loud. laugh you can pick out across a crowded bar

for grace:

he hums & whistles to himself a lot when he's alone working on tasks--mostly sea shanties the crew used to sing on expeditions

he won't go to zee (on the rare occasions he does now) without a sketchbook, some watercolours + something to read. he's seen cabin fever at its worst and wants to keep his mind busy

a semi-rich upbringing & navy training affect all of his mannerisms--he was there for a long time. perfectly pressed clothes, perfectly made bed, walk like you have so much purpose everyone gets out of your way instinctively even though he looks like a sad wet dog

he's Very still & calm, doesn't gesture much when he talks & is very good at staying stoically polite & approachable. (you can tell when he's stressed bc this starts to crack. if he's pacing he's 0.2 seconds away from a breakdown)

when he's nervous, he kind of obsessively attends to "duties." on a ship that means keeping extra tabs on crew & supplies, constantly making sure everything is accounted for, offering help to anyone within range. otherwise, it means cleaning. a lot.

internalised enforced politeness also means he greets almost everyone with a handshake like it's a goddamn business meeting. this is the only physical contact you will ever get out of him bc he values his personal space too much otherwise

has a habit of just kind of hanging around, in case he can help. he finds it difficult to know what to do with himself when he's not needed

Flowery OC Asks

[biolizardboils]

Hooray for Captain Underpants: The Unnecessarily In-Depth Writeup

Ages ago, Pilkey.com entered its golden era... the era of Flash content! From about 2003 to 2006, the site was blessed with a new layout, a jukebox, music videos, a LOT of games, and a banner adorned with different characters whenever you refreshed the page! The last thing doesn’t load in the Wayback Machine but trust me it was cool

Most of this stuff has thankfully been preserved, from YouTube reposts early on to those sites with hundreds of stolen games, to archivists scrambling just before Flash died in 2020. One of the early migrators, and the possibly the site’s star attraction, was a simple song with an accompanying animation.

Before George and Harold asked what could possibly go wrong... before Weird Al helped make Dav’s decade... before the Koji Matsumoto songs that I never listened to as a kid because the thumbnails scared me... only one song could encapsulate what these books stood for. Subsequently, only one video could provide an extended glimpse of Pilkey’s wacky world, in full motion and full color. 

I’m talking, of course, about Hooray for Captain Underpants.

In this post, I’ll be covering everything to be gleaned about its production and discussing its potential impact on future CU adaptations. Why? Because the Movie won this poll by exactly 1 point! @bestanimatedmovie​ let me know if you’d like me to stop interfering in your tournament lol.

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According to the site’s New Stuff page, both the song and video were added on January 5th, 2005. The Free Music page lists its copyright date as 2004, however. It seems the song was created first, then held back until the accompanying video was ready a year later.

Speaking of copyright, I'd like to shine a spotlight on everyone who contributed to this gift to humanity! First, the song:

Produced, Written and Performed by Josh Katz.

This guy’s perpetual voice-crack and rap-adjacent stylings make up most of the Extra-Crunchy CD O’ Fun. Outside of that, he’s better known as Rappy McRapperson, a tongue-in-cheek “gangster” act active from 1999 to 2017. I won’t be linking to his music since it's all rather... off-color; look them up at your own risk. I’m not sure how Dav found the guy and now I’m afraid to ask

Beat by Ben Petty.

Petty seems to have contributed music (and his garage) to the Rappy act. The only info I can find on him is tied to Rappy, so again, no links.

Children's Chorus: Mrs. Dean's Music Class.

Imagine having been in this class, your youthful voice immortalized for the ages! Where are these students now, I wonder? If only one of them spoke about it in a random subreddit or something...

Additional Vocals: Elizabeth Dean.

Besides the slim chance of one of her students having the same last name, this was probably the music teacher. I have an inkling on what “role” she plays in the song, but that’s for later.

The video lists two more parties:

Animation by Wetland Animation

Googling this name only supplies animations of wetlands, but I might have found them under a different name. At the bottom of the home page, the site’s redesign is credited to both Dav and an “Eyeland Studio”. There’s an archive of their site from around the same timeframe, and whaddya know!

Directed by Scott Hamlin

This guy is the first (and only) name on Eyeland’s Contacts page! Well, not specifically Eyeland’s—apparently that’s just one of three branches of a bigger subsidiary named Games In A Flash? But this is an infodump about Captain Underpants, not the Flash industry, so

————————————————————

On to the actual song and video! I’ll be using this 4K remaster for reference. (And it’s a stellar remaster, might I add—judging from ancient videos of the original, every single asset and animation error is still intact!)

The first few shots include two villains getting inconvenienced in amusing ways—a bold directing decision, I must say. More seriously, I’d like to point out Prof. Poopypants’s color scheme here. It actually lines up with the two (yes, two) he has on the cover of Book 4!

He wears a muted blue suit on the front cover (at least in early editions) and a purple one on the back cover. Here, he’s wearing the blue suit and the frames of his glasses are purple. Coincidence? Yeah, probably, but it’s cool to know he had a two-outfit thing going on way before the Movie.

First off, nobody walks like this. Second off, what kind of school has searing mint green walls? Sorry, it’s just... not the color I had in mind for Jerome Horwitz lol. Anyway, here come the lyrics!

[GEORGE] Uh-oh.

[HAROLD] Here we go again!

Ah, the classic lines! Not much to say here, but keep the Boys’ voices in mind.

Wedgie Woman has the smoothest animation in the whole video for some reason. (The perks of being a girlboss, I guess?) Her scene is a highly kinetic bit of slapstick, too—it makes me wish I knew how to make good GIFs.

Meet George and Harold! They pull pranks and stuff! They're cool (COOL!) And they're mischievous!

Yes they are 💙 Also lol at “Gym teachers smell like stinky toilets”—I wonder what the sign said earlier.

Krupp has a skin-colored line floating over his arm, and the walls drift to the left at the end of this shot. But also, Harold’s hair does a funny little bounce when they notice Krupp! Plusses and minuses, I guess?

Meet Mr. Krupp! He's not nice, he's mean! That was, until the day  he saw a Hypno-Ring!

... 🎵 and now you know the plot! 🎵

[CHORUS] [x2] Underpants, underpants, I like Captain Underpants! Underpants, underpants, Hooray for Captain Underpants!

The phrase “hooray for Captain Underpants” showed up often in the earlier books, usually in the Boys’ comics. 

The syllables of “underpants” snap into place as the chorus sings them—almost like waistbands! Also, Captain’s antics here correspond with specific Book covers, and the background’s colors change to match! For Chorus #1 we have, in order: purple for Book 3, orange-on-yellow for Book 4, turquoise for Book 2, and blue for Book 1! (Not sure about the shot of him running towards the camera though.)

He flies up high in the air—he's not scared (Woosh!) Captain Underpants likes wearing underwear! He also likes fighting crime (Pssh!) Evil-doers beware, ‘cause it's superhero time!

I'm just noticing this but what happened to the Dandelion of Doom here sdfghjk?? Is this a placeholder graphic that got left in? It looks much more book-accurate later in the video, which makes this even funnier.

And the lifestyle gets pretty rough (AAAH!) You gotta spend a lot of time fighting mean stuff like Talking Toilets and Professor Poopypants (Pssh!) When you're done, you do a little victory dance!

This part kills me cus Poopypants was literally just standing there vkhjg. He even seems to sigh in resignation before the underwear hits!

[INSTRUMENTAL] Do the Wedgie Wiggle! [INSTRUMENTAL]

In the Hall of the Mountain King, babyyy! This scene is just the Underpants Dance Flip-O-Ramas from Book 7, but with extra frames—and it looks amazing! The four bad guys scowling at Captain in the background are the icing on top!

Good lord, that’s like, highlighter yellow. Seriously, who painted this school?

OH NO! The world's in trouble again (AAAH!) The lunchroom lady really IS an alien!

Fair warning: if a Second Epic Movie ever happens and they confirm the Alien!Edith thing, I will post this part but bass-boosted to obscene levels.

And it's all for... thrills and laffs!

I was promised Action, Thrills, and Laffs—where’s the Action?? For shame, video! I want a refund!

[GIRL]  Captain Underpants, can I get your autograph?

About that inkling I mentioned earlier: I think Mrs. Dean may have voiced Autograph Girl here! Her voice sounds the slightest bit older than the chorus singers, and that’s my only point of evidence, but I can’t think of any other reason for that Additional Voices credit.

[CAPTAIN] Tra-la-laaaaa! (Woosh!)

[RANDOM GUY] COOL!

Captain Underpants should fly by MY school!

You and me both, Josh! I say despite no longer being in school Also I always felt bad that Captain just... flew off lol, I like to think that girl got his autograph later.

Bad guys and crime sprees, they don't even care— Now they stop in the name of underwear!

This part is great dfghj. The smoothness, the Boys’ >:) look, the little detail of Booger Boy sniffling, I love it.

Hitting robots in the face and poking evil in the eye (Poink!) It's very fun when you defeat crime!

If any British people read this, I’ve got a question: I know Dr. Diaper was renamed Dr. Nappy over there, but does that apply to the Movie too? Like, when Captain namedrops him near the end, did they have Ed Helms rerecord the line, or is he still called Dr. Diaper? 

[GIRL] I wish I could do it all day long!

That's why all day long, you listen to this song about—

You bet your Poopypants I do!

[CHORUS] [x2]

Chorus #2 introduces two more scenes of Captain fighting Poopypants and the Dandelion of Doom. The Poopypants one is based on a Flip-O-Rama, and while making this post I thought the Dandelion one was, too. I checked Book 3 while wrapping up and turns out I was Mandela Effect-ing myself, but, like, it’d make for a good Flip-O-Rama, right? Here, I even made a mock-up of what I “remembered”.

Also when Captain flies up in this scene, there’s a green dot where he stops (possibly to mark his position for the animators). Have fun un-seeing that!

[PROF. P] I’LL GET YOU, CAPTAIN UNDERPANTS!

I’m guessing Josh voices Poopypants here. This and Go Poopypants are kinda weird to listen to in a post-Movie world. Pour one out to parents and teachers who read these books aloud, I imagine kids get sad if they don’t do Zee Accent. (I know I would.)

Now the day's been saved and peace has been restored— Captain Underpants isn't needed anymore (Awww!)

PERISH THE THOUGHT. Must one be “needed” to justify their presence? Do people not exist beyond the services they perform?? Captain is a good and happy and fun guy and I love him and he should be allowed to stay!

Anyway, look at this pile of assorted bad guys! We can see, from left to right and from bottom to top: Either the Booger Boy or the Robo-Boogers, Dr. Diaper, The Harold 2000, Wedgie Woman, Dr. Diaper’s robots, the Dandelion of Doom, the two burglars from Book 1, one of the Alien Lunch Ladies, and... 

...The Inedible Hunk?? He’s an interesting pick, since he’s comic-exclusive and never comes to exist in “reality” like the others. This was his sole color appearance for 8 years until the In Full Color editions; he’s green there as opposed to yellow here. I think he looks suitably gross in both, though.

He's your pal, but also he's your PRINCI-pal! Sometimes he's ridiculous, sometimes inVINCI-bal!

Krupp’s toupee just falls in from nowhere here lol. I like to think it got stuck to the ceiling after flying off at the start of the video.

But now, he's gotta enforce the rules By being mean, and being not cool So it's back to school life with a paper and pen, but then—

I called Katz’ stuff rap-adjacent earlier, but I’ll admit this part is pretty fire.

Poor kid, about to get his yo-yo confiscated... In this moment, I’d gladly follow that sign’s instruction.

[GEORGE] Uh-oh.

[HAROLD] Here we go again!

You know how I said to keep the Boys’ voices in mind? Now, go find a clip from Epic Tales (or just use this) and listen to them there. You might find that they sound similar, despite being made thirteen years apart! Maybe DreamWorks had this video in mind when picking the show’s voice cast? Before the Movie and Epic Tales, Pilkey.com’s Flash videos were the only full-color, fully-animated CU Things for ages—I’d be surprised if they didn’t use them as references. 

More possible evidence: Harold’s shirt colors! They fluctuated a lot until the Movie and Epic Tales settled on green stripes. In fact, his default shirt in Epic Tales resembles the one he wears in this video!

[CHORUS] [x2]

Thus ends the music video ever: with a wink and... whatever this shot is!

What more is there to say? Besides some mashups and this amazing trap remix, this song’s legacy is an understated one. Pilkey.com has seen multiple redesigns since then, eventually retiring its Flash content; two new, higher-budget theme songs were made, and it’s hard to compete with Weird Al himself. Yes, Hooray’s time in the spotlight is long over, and it’s probably too late to reach out to anyone involved in its creation. After all, who’s gonna laud a potty-themed Flash video as their claim to fame?

Surprisingly, that question has an answer. And the answer is (drumroll please)... this Redditor!

This has been an unnecessarily in-depth write-up about Hooray for Captain Underpants—thanks so much for reading this far! For my closing remarks, I’d like to plug that one trap remix again, discovering it made me die of laughter

Say hello to a former member of Mrs. Dean’s Music Class! (Except don’t actually go bother them about this, please respect their privacy.) I found this by complete accident last year and saved it to share here later, and now’s as good a time as any! I suggest that we heed their command and start worshipping them immediately!

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[marvels-bitch-boy]

The Scarlet Spiders:

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: I was gonna wait until I had the 10th chapter finished but I couldn't wait to give you guys more

Masterlist , Chapter 4: Something Amiss

Chapter 3: Cracks In A Web

Just to end everyone's overwhelming concern...-just pretend to be- I made it back to the city unscathed. I refuse to go back to Feast. I did however find some access to a laptop... hack some stuff and was able to confirm a transfer spot into the Queens High School for the Sciences, had to at least get my spot back.

- - -

Walking into a school office he once knew made Degan feel empty. He didn't have any connections he once had, he was alone in a place that he felt was his second home. Sitting in a chair outside a principal's office he'd never met before. Staring at kids who wore uniforms he'd never even seen before. His knee bounced up and down as though it was a perpetual motion machine. One of the shortest questions Degan has heard in his life snapped him out of his head. "Mr King?" his head spun towards the voice and he scanned the man's face as fast as he could and produced a smile. "Sir, it's nice to meet you Mr Morita" he held out his hand for the man. This took the man aback for a moment before he produced a smile of his own and took the hand, opening the door even wider for the boy to enter. "Mr King, your record so far looks impeccable." he closes the file in front of him and looks at the boy curiously "I do have to ask why you suddenly decided to transfer?"

Taking in a large breath he racked his mind, thinking over the following days "I realized I wasn't being challenged enough at my last school, science is my passion and I want to make sure I'm at the best place for it" giving a nonchalant smile he turns his head towards the window that looks out at the hallway with students walking around. "It already feels like I belong here" Principal Morita gives him a warm smile before getting up and making his way to the door. "Well, I'm glad." the door opens and a smiling face greets Degan from the doorway "Hopefully you'll feel even better once you get a tour," gesturing to the girl smiling "this is Chrissy, one of our welcome members on the student council".

"Hi! You must be Degan!" she waves and he feels his eyes widen and brows raise. This was not something he expected. "You don't have a uniform yet, but that's the first stop." Degan opens his mouth to object but is quickly shut down by the bright girl shining her smile at him "Don't worry, I'm sure you'll look great" getting up he hesitantly followed the girl.

- - -

Shit Shit Shit. Not only do I now need a uniform but I also have to get a tour and talk to someone... something I hate. She kept smiling and waving to people. So much friendliness.

- - -

Stepping out of the changing room he begrudgingly put on the navy blue blazer. Catching his reflection he felt like he was seeing a stranger, his wavy hair had begun to straighten itself, and his eyes felt sunken in more than they usually did. He tugged on the collar and forced a smile once his tour guide turned to him. She squealed and his face went from uncomfortable to eyes wide in fear. "You look perfect. Like actually perfect" She stood up and opened the door out into the hallway and beckoned him to join. "C'mon, You have Wells for your first class." walking to the door in the most uncomfortable shoes possible, in a tie that feels more constricting than any time he's been choked by Scorpion. Stepping into a hallway he's walked a million times felt like amnesia, the colour of the lockers was the same, and the student's faces passed by unlike any he's seen before. As he walked he felt a spidey sense go off in the smallest of proportions he thought it was simply a phone vibration. Taking one step forward he then collided with a flurry of dirty blonde hair that almost fell backwards. Catching her by her arm he just stared at her and helped get her back up to her feet. Not saying a word and just avoiding her gaze he continued on with his tour. Scurrying away he could only hear a small "thanks" as her voice left his ears.

"Here's your locker, you can put your clothes in for after school" focusing back on the face of the girl in front of him, he noticed more of her appearance. She had fluffy brown hair that matched that of cocoa, and dimples that flashed every time she spoke and smiled... so they seemed to appear often.

"Thanks" shoving the pile he had tucked into his side now into the large metal locker. Turning around he found the girl with dirty blonde hair eyeing him up like a prize at a county fair. She had a smile on her that was skewed to one side, her eyes were green and they held a certain glint to them. Degans eyes followed up and down as she surveyed him too, seemingly understanding what was happening as they kept the focus on each other. "Okay, well I'll save you a seat...in room 9" his attention was now on the brown eyes that followed the smile and dimples as they turned and walked away. Looking back at the blonde, he found her to be making her way towards him. The smile on her lips didn't change at all and the glint in her eyes only seemed to get brighter.

"Where did you drop in from?" her voice was one that screamed mischief from a rooftop. Degan only cocked a brow and turned back to his locker. she leaned against the lockers next to him and stared intently into his eyes. "C'mon, let me thank my hero somehow"

"I'm okay, I'd rather you pretend I don't exist" closing his locker and walking away he could feel her eyes tied to him as he walked.

Keeping his head down he didn't even need to ask for directions on the way to his first class, he'd already memorized the layout on his first day... his other first day.

His head perked up for only a moment when a voice pierced his ears. He knew who it belonged to from before he even saw the back of her head. Before he saw her giant curls of chestnut hair. Before he saw her turn around and face him with a smile that he had missed for ages. It was the smile that he was greeted with after almost every patrol, the smile that he found himself wanting to be near every day after resenting it for over a year. A small smile perched at the corner of his lips before this reality came crashing down on his brain as it seemed to always do. "Pete!" she called out. Fuck. His head fell and his lips almost crumbled off his face onto the linoleum floor beneath his feet that propelled him forward. He continued until he almost bumped into the blonde from earlier. She caught his hand as she manoeuvred around him. How is she doing this? They landed in a position that interlocked their hands and ended with him leaning against a set of lockers that decked out the hallway. "Look who it is...," her voice purred in his ears, she looked down at his hand with that mischievous glint and gave it a small squeeze "you sure you want me to pretend you don't exist?" pairing her eyes with a smirk it was almost difficult for him to break away from her. Almost.

Tearing his hand from hers he had a thought 'What if MJ saw?'. That was before he forced himself to remember the situation, she would never see. She would never see him here. She no longer thought of him. No longer searched a crowd for his face, never searched the police scanners to hear if he was alright, never texted him about a new recipe for date nights, and never was a part of her world. He found his eyes drifting away from the blonde in front of him back to the sandy brown and matching curly hair girl who he just so happened to also catch her eye. "No, no lover boy, that's Parker's girl... more like Parker's her boy actually. Either way, she's off limits..." Using one of her fingers from her perfectly manicured set to shift his gaze back on her with the smile she gave him when they first locked eyes. "Me on the other hand...I'm Felicia," taking his hand once again she practically dragged him off and through the door, he was just heading towards. "You'll be next to me" she took a seat that wasn't too far away from the front to not appear like she wasn't paying attention, but not too close as to draw too much attention to herself. She motioned for the seat next to her but instead, he rolled his eyes and moved to the seat directly in front of her. If he was going to last here without MJ he would need someone assertive but he also wasn't going to let her boss him around like he was her toy.

A few seconds later Chrissy walked in with a binder that had papers sticking out of it like a mad scientist had been the previous owner. Taking notice of Degan she huffed and picked up all the items that had been organized on the desk 3 rows over and sheepishly moved them to be next to him. "I told you I'd save you a seat..." she seemed rather embarrassed and blue. The sound of a small laugh coming from behind him caused Degan to shoot a rather testy look at Felicia. He turned back to the bright-eyed girl who seemed to be trying her best to make him comfortable and welcomed -in her mind, he'd never faced the horrors of a new york magnet school...- he softened his eyes and gave her an apologetic smile "I'm sorry, this bobcat seemed to be gunning for me and pulled me here," he snuck a glance at the blonde and then back at dimples that now seemed to appear with a grateful smile "Don't worry, she only looks like a bobcat... inside she's a little tabby" Felicia didn't have to say anything but the roll of her eyes themselves was enough.

During this interaction, other students had been slowly trickling into the room. Degan kept his head only slightly up as he waited for class to start and his eyes caught the same hair from the hallway, the same smile and eyes that used to be so familiar. She took a seat near the back, and the boy who she was smiling at in the hallway took the seat in front of her. She'd never let him do that, he'd always sit next to her or behind her.

- - -

What the fuck, who is this Felicia girl? Why the hell is she so interested in me and forcing me to be her friend? Also, my teacher already gave me a giant packet of work to do... not that I can't do it but it's not science, it's god damn AP World History. I'm great at it but I hate doing the work... Anyway now though I have a second class of the day and that is mathematics -specifically calculus. I can sit in the back and figure out the whole reason I'm here, or even how I got here. Finally peace.

- - -

The fluffy brown hair appeared in his peripheral vision and placed itself right next to our spider. Keeping to himself Degan had chosen a seat all the way in the back, he knew it would put him at risk of losing any class participation but he could ace this class in his sleep. He wasn't worried. As the sound of his music beats on in his head, he began to think about the words that Bruce had said

"I'm sorry to say this but we currently have no way of getting you home. The only theory right now is to wait for another one of those multiversal sinkholes... to well open up again. I'm sorry"

"No way of getting you home."

The greatest mind he's ever known doesn't even think he can get home. The man who taught him pretty much everything he knew was left with no answers. This whole experience was starting to feel like some kind of cosmic joke on him. He was finally happy with MJ, they were talking about colleges, possibly even a full-time Avengers spot. But that was all gone now. The chances of them coming back were almost slim to none. The music in his head began to fade as he thought for longer. It seemed to mould into his thoughts.

"You have lunch?" Degan felt his consciousness fling back into his body like a slingshot. Looking at the brown-haired girl with confusion he shook his head no. "you can have some of mine, we can sit together" he seemed to be deliberating this option in his head and as Chrissy waited for a response she brought out her packed lunch and set it on the table. "Doesn't have to be in public, just here if you want?" This made a small smile appear on degans face for the first time since getting here, the other smiles were all for appearance, this one was as real as a soldier trapped in time. The two of them sat there for a moment and she began to open the bag and spill the contents across the small desk. There was a sandwich cut in half, a bag of chips, Oreos, and two granola bars. She handed Degan one-half of the paper bag and placed exactly half of the meal on it. Neither one of them had more or less than the other.

"So, tell me about yourself. What do you do for fun?" she took a bite of her sandwich and stared at him with interest. He felt like he was being interviewed for one of the lamest talk shows. "I like to watch movies, see art, and sometimes I like to cook," he hesitantly took a bite of his own food "Not really a lot to talk about". He could tell by the look on her face that it was indeed a lot to talk about. "Excuse me! You can cook and you like art?" he nodded at her question "Would you cook for me someday?" he let out a small chuckle at her request.

"No -sorry I don't cook for other people..." he thought of the nights he'd spend hours perfecting the recipes that MJ would send him, sometimes they tasted awful but that was part of the fun of it. "What about you? What do you do for fun?" shifting the conversation away from himself he decided to get to know his new friend. Her eyes lit up when he asked her and she had to straighten her posture before speaking "I love to just lay on the floor sometimes, staring at the ceiling," it was obvious by how she was answering that she doesn't get asked this a lot "it helps me think... -especially when I get stuck on homework".

Degan didn't mind listening to her, he didn't mind if she was the only one who talked. He hated talking. Except when he was patrolling, that's when he was his happiest. Swinging around the city his mind was free, and he gets to think. It's his variation of laying on the floor. He understood what it meant for her, especially finally having someone to talk to about it. So he let her. She ended up talking for the rest of lunch. When the bell rang she quickly finished her food and said her byes. Degan stood and gathered his bag, leaving the room he walked down the hall and felt a pair of eyes stuck on him. Looking around he couldn't find the eyes until he made a complete one-eighty and his eyes landed on a pair of brown eyes that he once recognized but still carry a warmth that will forever hold a place in his heart. Seeing her, he found himself stuck in place unable to move his heart began to speed up, and the pace that his mind reached felt inhuman. She wasn't his and she had never been his here, she averted her eyes from him and went back to talking to the shorter boy in front of her. Degans eyes focused now on the boy, taking in his stature and the way he comfortably talked to the girl in front of him. He seemed like a friend.

- - -

Maybe if I had been born in this universe he would be my friend... Maybe I'd actually have friends. To be honest, MJ was one of my only friends. I had one other though... his name was -well I think you know his name, currently, he goes by "Nova". Sometimes he's a prick and can't tell when someone hasn't spoken in hours because he's too busy talking about food or some kind of sport. Now that I think about it... he's a lot like Chrissy but less sweet and she can't blow up a whole RV by accident on the annual road trip... I AM STILL NOT OVER THAT!!

-sorry. Too emotional but I can't help it. I don't exist in this universe... honestly what if I don't exist in any other one but my own. I hope I do... I hope I'm different in them. I hope that she's with me, I hope that I'm not alone.

[abigail-nicole]

Chainsaw Man Ep 7 - watch thread

#chainsawman Ep 7 - strong tw underage grooming, VOMIT lol if ever vomit needed a tw it's for this fucking episode, undertones pf veers into date rape territory & the usual tw for extreme violence that’s really more feature than bug for csm. is this also going to be two parts? maybe

This covers a couple of different chapters of the manga and there's a tone shift (which signifies where the manga chapter split up). I believe it's 18/19 if you're keeping up. I personally only started reading the manga after episode 6 because it got me clown face emoji!!!! Anyway I will keep these recaps SPOILER FREE from the manga perspective. I may comment on "this does relate to the overall themes of the series" but not tell you any specifics of what happens.

anyway let's get into BLOOD and then OUT FOR DRINKS that is ep 7:

Building tension is more narratively important than resolving that tension. That’s why, once Denji realizes he can keep feeding from the devil as he’s killing it, we don’t need to see more of that battle.

the "I'm a fucking perpetual motion machine!" is a moment of real triumph because that's all we, the viewers, need to know that This Is Over And Denji Is Winning

the Etetnity Devil KNOWS POCHITA FROM BEFORE, says THIS — that’s the important moment, narratively, from this battle

WHAT WERE YOU BEFORE, POCHITA? HOW DO OTHER DEVILS KNOW YOU, CHAINSAW DEVIL?? WHY ARE THEY SCARED OF YOU?

the monologue from master here (coupled with this intense face scar) is so fucking good. The extended metaphor about having a screw loose IS IMPORTANT TO THE THEME OF THIS STORY YALL:

Also the mere fact that we get this flashback through Himeno's POV is a) giving us a Himeno characterization, namely that she is still afraid:

(this after master's line about "can't be unhinged without loosening the screws a bit every day" in regards to his heavy drinking, which is also a great fucking line)

and b) characterizing Denji through seeing how other people view him, which is UNHINGED! INSANE! SO CRAZY IT ACTUALLY MIGHT WORK! which is not a bad tagline for makima's entire approach to Denji and the Gun Devil lolololol. Because Denji, as a POV character, has all the self-awareness of a 16yo boy (haha which is none).

the battle doesn’t need to be on screen all three days when you can use VISUAL STORYTELLING

(i just love power wearing her shoes in bed like a fiend. ha, ha, plop)

and then, in thirty seconds, tension cut, Public Safety Devil Hunters out!

The Himeno/Aki "Arai and Kobeni feel guilty about trying to kill Denji. Didn't you try to kill him, too?" and Himeno's "Kids these days! So sensitive!" is both funny but also Aki has pointed out multiple times, even before this mission, that he would not hesitate to kill Denji and Power if he felt necessary to do so. I don't think he expects Himeno to actually feel guilty, but is just probing her for her feelings.

Spouse pointed out that Holding cigarettes with a hand cupped is how you smoke in the rain & Himeno is doing this because she’s used to things being splattered

Then of course the actual most important plot revelation this episode: 

Denji’s age reveal!!!!! 

WANNA TALK ABOUT GROOMING MAKIMA-SAN?

HIS IS YOUNG EVEN IN UNIVERSE. OTHER PUBLIC SAFETY DEVIL HUNTERS THINK HE’S YOUNG, REGARDLESS OF HOW VIEWERS SEE HIM.

And this CHANGES A LOT OF THINGS about this show!! For me, anyway, it did!!! Like! Denji is drawn like any anime protagonist, frankly, anime protagonists all look the age of anime protagonists so there is no visual indicator of how young he is UNTIL THIS. This throws all his earlier character arcs into SHARP,  SHARP relief. Like of course he is obsessed with touching boobs, he’s a sixteen year old boy. He barely has a prefrontal cortex. 

the narrative is not condoning his actions, we as viewers aren’t getting gratituous upskirt shots or boob focused shots like actual fanservice anime would do. This age reveal is bringing us, as viewers, into a world with frankly very realistic and unsexualized portrayals of female characters. The animation and rest of the story has NEVER been on Denji’s Touch Boobs level, and even goes as far as mocking him constantly by other characters in universe. 

And I would also argue that the way you can take advantage of horny 16yo boys because they won’t say no to any sex act is a HUGE part of his arc. Because now we and his coworkers have to contend with Denji’s immaturity as a literal teenage boy. 

Also Himeno saying this, when she later kisses Denji in an extremely unfortunate way,  takes Denji home without his consent, and then OFFERS TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM like Himeno. 

So here we have the question: Does this make her a bad character? 

and here’s the beauty of CSM: it DOES NOT CARE if this makes her good or bad. We’ve gotten intimate portrayals of Himeno, both good and bad, showing her possessiveness over Aki who barely seems to return her affections (but who knows with Aki), her helping Denji by pulling his chainsaw string during that fight, maybe saving his life, but also she tried to kill him, and also only decided to save him when she decided it was in her self-intrerest to do so. 

In fact, you could ask: does anyone in chainsaw man do anything that doesn’t serve their own self-interest? And the only answer is maybe Denji. Aside from helping Power save Meowy (you could argue he did it for the boobs), he saves multiple bystanders while fighting devils, and that one guy in a car he didn’t save when the bat devil taunted him for saving innocent people is our example that proves the point. Or is it????? Does anyone in chainsaw man perform any action that doesn’t directly benefit them? Let’s continue that thought later. 

let’s instead talk about Denji’s Horny Is Makima Watching? First Kiss: 

 kinky. But I’m not mad at it (yet). Not actually mad about making out with someone while the person you actually care about watches. I am mad about The Vomit Kiss, however: 

So I’m thirty, and I’m a surgeon, and I handle combined blood and feces together on the reg, and my disgust tolerance is extremely high, and THIS HITS IT. So I am not going to actually examine this in the depth that I usually would, because…..I  do not want to. But suffice it to say that: art is something that elicits an emotion from you, and disgust is an emotion,  and the disgust and shame and pity elicited by this scene fucking WORKS. 

i know viewers see this as sad/hilarious (& it is) but narratively they are going with ACTUALLY TRAUMATIC TO DENJI, because we immediately get a Pochita flashback, and Pochita flashbacks only happen when we're getting moments of Purity and Innocence:

and then a smash cut to Denji throwing up on the toilet while Arai (god bless) helps him and rubs his back. This is a sixteen year old whose first kiss was someone vomiting into his mouth. Like, immediately. And that’s pretty fucking tragic. He then gets taken home by Himeno, against his knowledge, in a scene that veers pretty sharply into date rape territory, though tbd if they’ll actually follow through on the sex (especially since they've now rammed home that it's SEX WITH A MINOR, which still matters in this universe, as evidenced by coworker reactions to his age). 

It will be interesting to see what Denji’s line is when it comes to Horny Sixteen Year Old Boy versus Someone Who Wants Meaningful Experiences with Makima. Hoooo boy. Episode 8, bring it on. 

For episode 7 bespoke credits we get this lovely sexy/gross vaporwave sequence. s/o to MAPPA (& their terrible working conditions) who as always throw their senior class ass-first into the animation meatgrinder and produce michelin star animation for Chainsaw Man from their animators’ dead bodies. 

[daesofthepen]

So I really like KHR fics that make Namimori into a tightknit community of retired assassins, mafioso, etc. I would like to write a fic like that at some point.

Current ideas I’ve picked up from a variety of fic:

The idea that flames can be infused into items (I.E. rain flames into someone’s tea to calm them down or knock them out)

Like mentioned above, that Namimori is full of retired trained professionals. Added to this: You have to be Really Good in these professions to make it to retirement, so they’re all Pros in their fields.

Skies being able to harmonize with each other. I like the idea of each Sky being a “solar system” in a larger galaxy. Or at least, Skies harmonizing means everyone in both Sets gets a boost. They get even more boost if there are more than two Sky sets harmonized.

Kawahira and the Arcobaleno Curse isn’t the final boss antagonist of the fic. It could be aliens that arrive on Earth a la sci-fi movie, I just want it to have a different endgame fight. Not to mention, it would be cool if all that harmonizing-among-Skies power boosts had a proper antagonist to go against. Mafia-Earth vs Some-Aliens ftw! (Could also be, like, deep ocean species or underground species, but then I could feel bad cuz they already lived on Earth too...)

The girls of KHR getting more screentime. I’m tempted to have one of them be the protagonist of the fic tbh. I know some people do fem!Tsuna when they want a female protagonist, but there are perfectly canon female characters that already exist and don’t get enough screentime in both canon and fanfiction? I like Tsuna well enough, but I kinda want to write about someone else.

I like Haru, so it’ll probably be her. Plus some noncanon Sky Flames bc I want to experiment some with that.

Okay but like, consider a Sky in Namimori. They are young and civilian-raised, so they don’t realize they’re putting their Flames into the objects and locations they visit often. This means that when they visit the park, the playground emits Sky Flames for hours afterward. If they lay in the grass for long enough, the grass remains stained in Sky Flames for days. You could even go as far to say that their bathwater has Sky Flames, so it’s even in the plumbing of Namimori. Namimori becomes a town full of remnants of Sky Flames. The “harmony” element works to calm residents, similar to Rain Flames but less effective since it’s not what they’re for, and also increase their patriotism(?) for the town.

Consider: With Tsuna’s Sky Flames sealed, another Sky unknowingly gets claim for the town of Namimori without any other Sky contesting it. This is Namimori’s Sky. 

Tsuna unlocks his Flames later on in life and -- even though he has stronger Sky Flames -- he doesn’t challenge for the claim. Tsuna’s personality always felt like someone who would enjoy following someone else’s lead more than leading himself. I can see him bowing to someone else’s leadership if that person wasn’t a murderous psycho out to kill him and his friends. Why fix what isn’t broken, after all.

Some thoughts on Flames and the quantity a person has: If a person has a parent who had active Rain Flames, that not only increases their chances of Rain Flames, but they would grow up to have more Rain Flames than some random schmuck without Flame active parents who just happened to unlock Rain Flames. And two parents with active Rain Flames would almost guarantee Rain Flames in their offspring AND their kids would have more of it. Yes, I’m taking the Naruto-chakra route.

So Haru, born of two civilian parents, would have less Sky Flames than Tsuna. To reverse on that whole only-follow-the-strong-and-”pure.” Sometimes the best guy for the job isn’t the strongest.

It’s also been forever since I’ve read KHR so I’m going by the wiki, which says Haru did gymnastics and went to the private all-girls school in Namimori. Probably will include some original characters to fill in as teachers and students to flesh out the town more. And -- of course -- the girls’ parents will all have backgrounds in all kinds of illegal activities.

Imagine: Haru goes to compete with another school from another town and most of the town shows up bc hell yeah that’s our Sky. 

If I want the KHR girls to have more screentime, I might have them go to Haru’s school, too, or have non-school-specific clubs which they all join. It could be like a book club. Or a let’s-make-the-pervert-disappear Statistics club. The retired mafioso and assassin adults of Namimori would find it adorable and sometimes help by hinting at the best way to go about a plan.

On one hand, it makes sense that the seal on Tsuna’s Flames is done very well and doesn’t leak. On the other hand, Tsuna attracting Haru’s attention? Not that Haru would realize what is grabbing her attention for a long while. She might assume it’s a crush lmao just like canon.

They also meet earlier so Haru gets her crush sooner, so she can get over her crush earlier, too. :3

You know what let’s go full indulgent on this fic and also include Verde. 

Let’s say that while most of the time Haru’s father is absent, maybe he works as a mathematician for a big tech company alongside engineers, he sometimes gets to go on work trips to Expos and conferences to help promote the company. After Haru’s mother died, Mr. Miura became determined to financially provide for their daughter, so she could go to whatever school she wanted and into whatever field she would choose to devote herself to.

Mr. Miura gets permission to take Haru to a conference, so she can look around, meet people, check out if any job descriptions interest her, etc. That’s where she meets Verde, who’s there pitching some of his inventions. 

They talk, find common ground in their passions, and maybe -- completely by accident -- they harmonize. 

I like to imagine Verde as a very straight-to-the-point kind of person, so through him Haru eventually starts learning about Flames and (to a lesser extent) the mafia. 

Verde has many labs and hideyholes around the world, but he moves his main lab to Namimori. And because he’s a professional inventor, technician, etc., he isn’t just lurking. Verde gets contract work by the town of Namimori and maybe some other richer families around Namimori. It probably doesn’t pay as well as he deserves, but he also gets a direct say in the safety of his Sky, so. Also, he probably is hired online/overseas constantly. He’s, like, a working professional you guys.

But anyway, Namimori goes through a (not so) minor technological revolution. Hospitals get upgraded, there are now cameras with face-recognizing technology which keep track of everyone who goes in and out of Namimori. Official underground bunkers, We start getting sci-fi up in here.

Close to when Verde first arrives, he notices that Namimori is protected by Mist Flames, a barrier that just makes people notice Namimori less unless they were directly heading there. With some Flame sensors, Verde manages to track down the source/core of the system to Kawahira’s shop.

Verde figures out pretty quick who Kawahira is and, as an Arcobaleno, he HATES Kawahira. But Verde doesn’t try to kick him out of town because that Mist barrier? Super useful for protecting the town.

Through the combined efforts of Haru and the gang, Verde, and Namimori citizens, Kawahira and Verde agree to work together to try to come up with an alternative solution for the Arcobaleno curse. 

Both of them have YEARS of notes, so it’s easier to figure out what they would need:  Flame-based perpetual motion machine. The problem would be making a machine that works not just in theory. Gotta make sure that while the Flames cycle continuously through the machine, non is being lost because of subpar conductive metals, and the entire thing would need a material that is really good at keeping Flames IN the machine instead of being lost over time because a large surface area increases heat lost, etc etc. 

Adding some money problems for realism. Not including Verde and Kawahira, who have a personal investment in this project, they would need to hire an entire team of engineers, mathematicians, maybe some electricians, and at least one accountant to keep track of spending. Most of which need to know about Flames already to not break omerta. And then on top of that, a lot of their prototypes will be experimenting with different materials for Flame conductivity, etc. This stuff gets expensive over time, even if they have a lot of money saved up.

But anyway, eventually they get a working prototype. It just happens to be absolutely minuscule compared to the size it will have to be in real life to support the entire PLANET. So Verde presents the prototype to Viper to ask for funding --because this small prototype would show that it IS possible-- and afterward, they have no more money problems. Plus, all the other Arcobaleno find out through the grapevine and all are more than happy to pitch in in any way they can.

So the project has the opportunity for smooth sailing. 

And then the aliens arrive.

[barry-j-blupjeans]

19 with taakitz? :)

19. “For the most part, I am, in fact, an idiot. But I fully admit to it, which should count for something.”

((20 fluff/relationship prompts here!))

--

In Kravitz's experience, the guiltier someone was, the more they tried to defend themselves. This is why it's so weird that Lup did little more than ask him "what crime did I commit, exactly?" and then shrug and say, "sounds about right." She came with him willingly then. Through the window, Kravitz could see her playing with the perpetual motion machine on his desk, as she had been doing when he went to get his file folder. He straightened his suit and went back inside.

"Alright," Kravitz said. "Let's get right to it, then." He set the file folder on the desk, sitting down in his swivel chair. Lup looked incredibly bored. "Let's see here... Lup Loop, elf, age three hundred and fifty-nine. That all sound correct?"

"Three hundred and sixty-nine, actually," Lup said, leaning back in her chair. Kravitz picked up the pen to correct that, but Lup snorted, grinned at him, and said, "Nah, joking, my man. Three fifty-nine is right."

"Please keep in mind that this is not the time to play games, Miss Lup." Lup winked at him. Kravitz hurried on. "The charge filed again you are as followed: Ten accounts of profaning the laws of life and death, including and not limited to unlawful rasing of the dead, swapping your soul between bodies, and several deaths without entering the astral plane. Does this all sound correct?"

"Uhh," Lup said. Her chair was now balancing on only the back legs. "Gotta be honest, homie, I don't remember any of those."

"You..." Kravitz sighed, rubbing his temple. "You don't remember committing death crimes."

"No?" Lup said. And then a little more firmly, "no, yeah, I think I'd remember that."

"Three unlawful deaths," Kravitz read from the paper. "One by poison, one by an arrow, and one willful death, all without coming to the astral plane."

"Hang on," Lup said. She abruptly brought the chair back down to all fours, leaning forward to see the papers. "Willful death? What does that mean?"

"What- what does it mean?" Kravitz said. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Lup said. She scooted her chair a bit closer. "Like, what exactly counts as a "willful" death or an "unwillful" death?"

"You made yourself into a lich!" Kravitz said, slamming his hands down on the table and standing up with a start. Lup scooted back a little again, grabbing the sides of her chair very tight. "You twisted and broke the laws of life and death to the highest degree and you're asking me what counts as a willful death?"

There was a very tense silence for a moment, where Lup stared at him with wide eyes.

"I'm not Lup," she blurted out suddenly. Kravitz blinked.

"I'm sorry," Kravitz said, after a very deep breath, "did I hear you right?"

"Yeah," they said tersely. "I'm not Lup. My- uhm, hail and well met, I guess. I'm Taako." Kravitz stared. Taako tugged at his collar nervously. "Y'know, from TV? Deffo not Lup. She's my sister."

"She's... your sister," Kravitz repeated hollowly. He collapsed back into his seat, sorting through the files. "This doesn't say Lup has a sibling. No- no mention of a Taako anywhere in here. There's a Barry Bluejeans. A mention of someone named Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, but no Taako anywhere." He pulled up the family records next. "An aunt, several uncles, even more cousins, no Taako."

"I'm pretty shy," Taako said.

"Taako," Kravitz said, trying not to pull out his own hair. "Are you a goddamn idiot? Why the hell would you think coming here with me was a good idea if you aren't the one convicted of these crimes?"

"For the most part, I am, in fact, an idiot," Taako said, with a little nervous laugh. Kravitz felt a migrane coming on. "But I fully admit to it, which should count for something! But- but I mean, wouldn't you?"

"Wouldn't I... risk my life and soul impersonating a person who doesn't seem aware that I exist?" Kravitz asked, unable to keep the utter befuddlement from his voice. "No, Taako, I can't say I would."

"Look," Taako said. "Lup's got some of her own shit going on. I was thinkin' that maybe I could, I don't know, pay a fine or something? My boss is pretty tight with your boss-"

"Your boss?" Kravitz said. "I'm not sure if you're aware, Taako, but I work for the literal goddess of death, the Raven Queen. I am almost positive whoever you work for doesn't know the Raven Queen well enough to be "pretty tight"."

"I mean, I could call Istus up, if you want?" Taako offered. Kravitz sunk down into his chair. He stood corrected, apparently. "Look, thug, it's a pretty long story and I don't really wanna explain the whole thing-"

"You're going to have to," Kravitz said, rubbing his temples. "We are not going anywhere before someone tells me who in the entire fuck you are and what exactly you do for Istus. Understood?"

He fished a notebook out of the lowest desk drawer and picked up the pen. Taako was leaning back in his chair again, balancing on the two legs. He was looking at Kravitz with a critical eye.

"Yeah, fuck it," Taako said at last. "I've got some time to kill."

[thesaltofcarthage]

I sigh. "C'mon, man, no."

"But it's the perfect workaround!" My — I refuse to grace him with the title of master; he's a twit with delusions of medocrity — current bearer tips his chair back on two legs, grinning smugly. I want to punch him in the throat. I can't, of course; rules of the lamp and all that. But I still want to.

"It's not a workaround at all. Infinite wishes don't work." I throw on Jimmy Doohan's voice. "Ye cannae change the laws of physics, laddie."

"It's not physics, it's magic," he insists. "You should be able to do anything with magic." He slams forward in his chair, grabs a beer, cracks it open, and chugs it down, the movement tipping his chair backwards onto two legs again.

I try again. "Look, there are laws, buddy. Not wishing for more wishes is one of them."

He belches mightily. "Yeah, I know, can't make someone fall in love with you, can't bring back the dead. I saw Aladdin." He starts singing something about a prince. I ignore him.

"No, I'm not talking about that, and I don't know where you heard those anyway. What I mean — "

"Wait, you mean those aren't the three rules? You can make somebody fall in love with me and bring back the dead?"

I close my eyes and count to five. "Yes, I can resurrect your dead ex-girlfriend and make her want to marry you. Can we focus here?"

"This is awesome! Okay, so I want — "

I override him. "Magic has laws like the law of gravity and the speed of light. There are things you can't do."

He grins at me again, all straight white teeth and well-fed cheeks, brimming with privilege and innocent of ever having to work for anything. "You're the genie. I'm your master. I say this is my first wish."

Maybe I could make the bunk bed tip over and get him in the throat. I wonder for a fleeting second about loopholes for myself. No, better that I just grant this moron's three and be on my way. I know what would happen to me if I took him out.

"Okay, magic is — it's an energy. The energy is added to the system with the invocation of the lamp. It leaves the system with the expenditure of the three wishes. You can't have a perpetual motion machine of magic. The energy has to come from somewhere."

He looks bored. I can't even keep his attention for two sentences. Technical explanations are not going to work on this guy.

I rub my forehead. "Okay. You know about dinosaurs, right?"

He nods, one hand on the desk to steady his swaying seat. "Yeah, what about 'em?"

"You know how they died?"

He shrugs. "Mass extinction? I dunno."

"Your scientists say a meteor hit the planet in Mexico. Boiled the sea, burned most of the planet's forests, kicked up a gazillion tons of dirt and dust and ash so hard some of it went into space. Tsunamis a mile high. Wiped out 75 percent of living things."

I bend over and brace my hands on the desk so I can stare him in the eyes. "It wasn't a meteor."

Now he's interested. He brings his chair back down and leans across the desk to get close to me. "Yeah? What was it?"

I lower my voice to a whisper. "An alien."

He lights up. "An alien took out the dinosaurs?"

"No. An alien forced a genie to try to grant him infinite wishes." His face creases in a frown. "The feedback loop of magical energy exploded. It made a crater a hundred and sixty miles across and two thousand feet deep."

His eyes get wide. "Oh."

"Yeah. Oh." I stand up and cross my arms. "So gimme something else."

His little rat brain starts to chug slowly. Women, he'll probably want women. I can make them horny enough to chase him. And beer. And money. That's what guys his age generally want. Sex, money, and some kind of entertainment. Hopefully he doesn't actually ask me to resurrect someone. It's really ugly.

"So we could do it, like, out in the desert or something. The north pole. Out where it wouldn't hurt anybody."

I double facepalm. "Did you not hear the part about three-quarters of the planet dying off?"

"But then I'd have infinite wishes! And you could just fix everything and bring it back! You said you could bring back the dead, so it wouldn't matter, right?"

Oh, the hell with this. I'll take the penalty. "You know what, buddy? You are so right! I never thought of that! Drink to you, man!" I grab one of the beers and raise it. He bangs his can into mine and then chugs it again, tipping backwards. I give it the slightest push and he falls over. The back of his neck hits the edge of the metal bunk. There's a snapping sound, lost amid the clatter of the chair hitting the floor and the can dropping. The beer foams and hisses as it spills, the fading carbonation dissipating like his life.

The air rips behind me. I turn and hold out my hands for the manacles. "I know, I know. Killed the master. Ten years in a cave."

But it's not the head of security who steps through the portal. It's a very high-up fleet leader. "No, I came to congratulate you." She loops a string of pearls around my neck, our branch's mark of meritorious conduct. "That particular mouth-breather was going to become a low-level politician who passed a law that eventually dominoed up into catastrophic climate damage. If you hadn't taken him out, we were going to send someone else."

I admire the pearls. "Thank you, sir!" She salutes me, and I return it. I pick up my lamp and stow it in a side pocket of my wide uniform pants. "But I do have one question."

She holds the rip open for me to step through. "What's that?"

"What is Aladdin, and what are the three rules he was talking about?"

You are a genie. Predictably, your latest master uses their first wish to wish for infinite wishes, but you tell them you’re unable to give infinite wishes. What you didn’t expect was that they would instead use their first wish to wish that you were able to give infinite wishes.

[tiltingheartand]

so, a question that occurred to me recently: what would happen if a wraith managed to get their hands on hob gadling? (/get their hand, singular, on hob gadling, and that was not initially meant to be a pun but i am GOING FOR IT).

because, option one, the wraith feeds as usual and once hob looks like a mummy the wraith detaches, and then there’s a “wait you were definitely dead earlier” moment somewhere. option two, the wraith starts feeding and it causes hob pain, the wraith is getting nourishment, but hob just …. never actually seems to get any older?

i feel like option two would be the more unfortunate one, obviously, because i can easily see that managing to snowball into a situation where the wraith faction (shit, are they called factions? i can’t remember anymore; you get the general idea) winds up killing all the other ones off entirely, because if they don’t need to cull anymore — which, if they have a food version of a perpetual motion machine, they definitely wouldn’t — they can a) stop losing their drones and b) devote all their energy to wiping out their opponents.

this isn’t actually going anywhere, i was just turning the idea over in my mind and found it fascinating. (like “what happens if hob gets rabies?” or “so how are hob’s teeth doing about now?”)

[belliesandburps]

Our Favorites Handling Bellyaches - Part 2

I received plenty of asks about other characters responding to bellyaches, and so, here are another eight based off the characters requested!

Shoto Todoroki (My Hero Academia):  Todoroki is canonically pretty gluttonous, just not ravenous.  So he won’t rapidly stuff his face like Bakugou or Kirishima, but he’ll steadily eat a lot and keep going with that neutral look on his soft face.  I imagine, for the most part, he doesn’t get stomach aches because he doesn’t overdo it often nor does he really change up his eating habits too much.  But from time to time, he’ll try new things which won’t always agree with him or eat just a wee bit too much.  If something he ate isn’t agreeing with him, he’ll be very subtle but blunt about it.  He’ll have this mild yet notable look of strain on his face while using his cold hand to rub his belly.  The cold side always helps to ease his stomach, which was what his mom used to do whenever lil Shoto got a tummyache as a kid.  This might cause a few gas bubbles to gurgle up his throat, but he tends to muffle those in his mouth.  Now, if he overate, he’s kind of winded.  Todoroki will head to his room and huff breathlessly as he tugs his shirt up and exposes his taut, rounded belly, feeling up just how drum-tight it is beneath his hands.  He’ll use both hands to massage his stomach in that instance; hot and cold, and try to use those abilities to ease his gut while he massages the overstuffed cramps away.  When he’s especially full, his burps get much deeper and louder.  If he muffles them, they rumble quite loudly in his cheeks, or if he really needs to get it out, he’ll throw his head back and expel a DEEP belch, which always leaves him huffing with relief after and muttering a small ‘excuse me.’  He tries not to bother Midoriya, but he absolutely loves it when Midoriya rubs his belly.  Midoriya’s touch is always deeply comforting for him and not only eases his stuffed stomach but also makes him feel safe and secure.  Plus, he finds a little amusement in how flustered Midoriya always gets rubbing his tum.

Tamaki Amajiki (My Hero Academia):  Given the way his ability works and the sheer anxiety he feels, Tamaki is incredibly prone to tummyaches.  Canonically, just thinking about something will make his stomach hurt.  Anxiety-induced tummyaches leave Tamaki whimpering and shivering fearfully as he crumbles to the ground cradling his gurgling gut, and whining that he wants to go home.  It’s...kind of the cutest freakin’ thing ever.  But given how his quirk relies on food, Tamaki will very often try new and exotic meals or eat things that don’t agree with one another, which gives him a really gnarly stomachache.  When that happens, Tamaki’s stomach is pressing out noticeably and rock-hard to the touch.  He’ll groan with a notably nauseous look on his face and find himself stifling a series of wet, gurgling belches, some of which he can’t hold in.  He gets very embarrassed about burping in public, but in these circumstances, he’s too nauseous to get anxious and nervous.  Instead, he’s resisting the urge to throw up, and desperately rubbing his belly to settle it down.  Fatgum or Mirio always suggest he drink some ginger ale to settle his tum down.  Problem is, ginger ale makes Tamaki burp REALLY loudly, and even if he’s nauseous, if he ends up letting out a HUGE burp out in public?  He may literally die from embarrassment.  Tamaki’s also a really hungry lad too, so he tends to overstuff himself from time to time.  If he does, he can sport a pretty sizable belly which he won’t admit feels REALLY satisfying, but less so if he overdid it and is suffering some seriously painful grumbles.  When Tamaki is full to the brim, he’ll whimper at the realization that his belly is very visibly bloated and everyone can see it.  He gets even more embarrassed when anyone wants to touch it or even rub it, making him whimper about wanting to crawl in his room and never leave.  But when he’s packed to the brim, he’ll use the powers he gained from whatever meat he consumed to more rigorously rub his belly, especially octopus tentacles.  Doing so works wonders for settling his stomach, but also makes him incredibly burpy.  He’ll try his best to stifle them but many will roll out of his mouth and be both throaty and surprisingly big.  Tamaki generally is a pretty burpy lad, simply because of how his stomach works to intensely process everything he eats for power.  And it’s part of why he dreads eating out with anyone.  But Kirishima and Fatgum are always amused or trying to top him, while Mirio just laughs and tells him he’s got skills.

Dabi (My Hero Academia):  Dabi’s canonically got a weak stomach.  He actually felt sick dealing with Spinner’s driving and complained about having a pretty bad stomachache.  Like Natsu, I think Dabi gets motion sick very easily.  He admits he doesn’t do well in cars, so I think the bumpier the ride the worse off he gets.  If the league is in a van together, Dabi will be in the corner, doing his best not to groan miserably while his stomach churns deeply and unpleasantly from how turbulent it’s getting.  He’ll be muffling really wet belches behind his fist, groaning after each one and mumbling that he feels like shit.  Sometimes, he’ll burp so hard that his stomach lurches and he has to clamp his mouth shut to keep from throwing up on the spot.  A good few times, the league has had to pull over so Dabi could rush out and puke off to the side of the road.  If he throws up, Dabi gets really pissed out and starts shouting at Spinner for being such an awful driver or getting mad at Shigaraki for not having Kurogiri transport them to where they need to be.  He hates showing weakness around the other villains, which is why he shows a lot of anger instead if he feels queasy.  As such, if Dabi overeats or drinks too much and gets full to the point where he feels sick, he’s less annoyed and just groggy.  He’ll slump back on his couch and unbutton his pants to give his belly some breathing room and really knead into his tight, bloated gut with both hands to try and settle it down.  When he’s full, he tends to have really deep burps, which he freely and shamelessly lets out.  Sometimes, he’ll slap the side of his bulging belly as hard as he can to let out the biggest burp he possibly can in an effort to bring whatever relief he can manage.  Dabi knows how to burp on cue, so he’ll often gulp down air and belch it back up to try and ease a lot of the pressure festering in his gut.  He also loves having his belly rubbed for any reason, so running your hands across his taut, distended middle will always help settle it down and leave him humming softly to your touch.  If he’s relaxed enough though, that can also get him ‘riled up’ for NSFW shenanigans.

Idia Shroud (Twisted Wonderland):  Idia is both canonically gluttonous and canonically works himself into getting some pretty gnarly tummyaches all the time.  The mere thought of having to be around people twists his poor tummy into knots that can make him sick.  When he works himself up, poor Idia will whimper and cradle his stomach while it gurgles in discomfort.  He’ll actually tear up a little bit and whine about needing to hide out back in his room, unless Ortho drags him back into place.  The little robot will offer to rub his big brother’s tummy to make it feel better or suggest they get something from Sam’s shop to help settle Idia’s stomach.  Idia will be a whimpering, whining mess either way.  He also tends to give himself really bad hiccups when he’s anxious and nauseous.  He gives these loud, adorably high-pitched hiccups that leave him whimpering and covering his mouth, tearfully worried that someone’s gonna get really annoyed with him for being so loud.  When he’s overstuffed because he ate way too much without even realizing it (as he tends to), Idia will groan and sit down on his bed, massaging his bulging belly and feeling it gurgle and churn heavily beneath his hand.  Idia’s natural warmth processes what he eats faster than most people, which gives his tummy a much softer, sloshier feel to it when he’s stuffed to the brim.  So when he rubs, he’ll actually knead into his temporary belly fat, crooning at how good it feels.  But being stuffed also makes him pretty burpy, especially when he’s just binged on a bunch of sweets, junk food or soda.  Any time he ever eats, he’s in his room. So, if he’s alone and he ends up letting out a huge burp, Idia will cover his mouth but actually giggle with amusement.  But if the Prefect is in there with him rubbing his belly when Idia burps, he’ll whimper and apologize profusely.  If he knows the Prefect likes ‘em, he’ll still whimper because he’s embarrassed about the way the surface of his soft, plush belly ripples when he burps really loudly.  The Prefect will insist that they like that too, and Idia be flustered because he’s not used to people being attracted to him, so he’ll try and hide behind his sleeves adorably or bite on his oversized sleeve anxiously. 

Venom (Spider-Man):  Venom is a ravenous eating machine, so there’s very, very, VERY little that can upset that perpetually hungry belly of his.  But one thing we canonically know doesn’t sit well in Venom’s stomach is other symbiotes OR extra spicy stuff.  So if Venom gobbles up another symbiote, he’ll store it in his belly trying to absorb it, but the thing will savagely thrash around inside of his belly, seeping out to the surface.  Doing so will make Venom very gassy, and he’ll end up burping uncontrollably while fighting to keep the rogue symbiote back down.  Sometimes, Venom will burp so hard that the symbiote will partially spew out of his slimy maw, only for Venom to grossly slurp it back up before it can escape.  If he has to hold it in long enough, it will make him very nauseous, to the point where his burps grow wetter and he ends up looking miserable and whining at Eddie to do something, which Eddie will just exasperatedly tell him this is entirely his fault.  When it comes to overeating, Venom literally can’t eat too much food to make himself sick.  Sooooo, the only overeating he does is if he ever tries to eat more than one person at once, or tries to eat a REALLY big enforcer.  So, if Venom has two dirtbags squirming and thrashing in his belly or just a really really REALLY big guy, Venom will be immobilized.  He’ll be sitting on his thick rump, groaning with his slimy tongue hanging out of his maw while his massive boulder of a belly thrashes around violently.  And the end result will leave Venom groaning and belching hard enough to shake the ground itself.  And if you think Venom has it bad now?  Wait til Eddie has to sleeve it off and wakes up to the mother of all bellyaches in the morning.  Venom is usually good about burping up the bones of his digested prey before letting Eddie take over, but Eddie will still be unbearably bloated and feel utterly nauseous when he awakes to this huge, taut belly that almost makes him look pregnant.  When that happens, Venom’s tendrils will slither out and rub Eddie’s aching belly all over to try and settle it down with Venom assuring him that they’re okay.  Eddie’s only response will be a record-shattering belch and a miserably groggy groan while Venom cackles and says he’s not too shabby for a human.

Rin Matsuoka (Free!):  This shark-toothed lad has an appetite to spare, and also gets stomachaches a lot from not being careful about when he swims after eating.  The latter has seen him throwing up from time to time.  But when he gets cramps from swimming too fast, his stomach feels harder and gurgles a very thick, acidic-sounding gurgle.  When that happens, Rin becomes a nauseous mess, groaning and muffling really wet-sounding burps, some of which he’ll just let out carelessly, too sick to care.  Haruka and or Makoto (dealers choice) usually try to help by rubbing his aching stomach sensually.  Sometimes, this helps quell the ache in his gut, sometimes, it’s too great to prevent him from spewing.  But he’ll always moan and lean into their touch, desperate to have his belly rubbed, even if it’s in vein, because it still feels amazing.  If Rin ate too much, his belly will be surging out and resting heavily against his pelvis, churning intensely and leaving Rin practically weighed down by his own gut.  Rin has a serious stomach capacity and he can be pretty shameless.  So when he’s overstuffed, Rin tends to burp a lot.  He’ll knead his bulging belly and push out some huge, rumbling belches that force their way up his throats for a good few seconds straight and end with him moaning with relief.  He’ll actually have a lot of pressure stored up from overeating.  So after one really good burp, a good few throaty ones will follow back to back after the biggest one, and usually end with a really long one to punctuate his fullness.  When that happens, Rin just smacks his lips and gives his belly a resounding slap of satisfaction, just feeling relieved at getting the pressure out, and no shame whatsoever.  He’s also a giant tease, so if he sees his partner blushing, he’ll flash them a wink and ask them if they enjoyed the show.

Shiki Granbell (Edens Zero):  The precious friend-loving boi is wild to his core and extremely excitable.  And since he’s a gravity-defying powerhouse, he doesn’t get motion sick at all.  He DOES, however, make the mistake of eating too much and flipping upside down.  When that happens, poor Shiki’s tummy will be giving him all manner of grief.  It will feel rock hard and visibly bloated, and Shiki will be a mess, whimpering and burping in his fist while whining about how much his belly hurts.  When he does, he’s practically begging Rebecca to rub his tummy.  Soon as she does, he’ll turn into a freakin’ puppy, the way he smiles and rests against Rebecca’s sides.  That look of happy contentment on his face is all the reason Rebecca needs to gently massage his aching belly, no matter how many times she warns Shiki to stop and think before using his powers after eating.  He’s also a very hungry lad, and as such, has overstuffed himself time and time again.  This usually leaves his belly big and rounded, sitting heavily on his lap and sloshing heartily from how hyperactive his digestive system is.  When he’s stuffed, he tends to get really big, rumbling burps that leave him huffing after they end, but he’ll still whine about his belly hurting.  Rebecca will remind him that it’s his own fault for eating so much, but all he has to do is whimper pitifully to unwittingly win her over to start rubbing his belly.  Like before, he’s very docile and contented when her hands are on his stomach.  But if he’s stuffed, Shiki tends to burp really loudly to relieve the pressure in his rounded stomach, which always leaves Rebecca staring blankly and asking Shiki to excuse himself.  He’ll just shrug and complain that he can’t help it.  And then he’ll usually punctuate it by thumping his chest and letting out a HUGE burp that leaves him sighing with relief.  But when he sees Rebecca’s eye start to twitch, theeeen he’ll sheepishly mutter a small “s’cuse me... ^^;”

Inuyasha (Inuyasha):  Inuyasha’s a bit of a shameless, greedy pig.  So he tends to overeat often or eat things he shouldn’t.  In the latter’s case, Inuyasha’s stomach will be very noisy, churning up a storm and leaving him grimacing with discomfort.  He’ll complain about his gut hurting, really kneading into his stomach, then telling Kagome to rub his belly...before faceplanting when she barks at him to “SIT!” for making demands.  After that, he’ll growl but groan at how much worse his stomach feels from the sudden smash he was forced to do because of his beads.  Then he’ll groggily yet begrudgingly ask “very nicely” if Kagome can rub his belly.  When she does, despite his crass attitude, he’ll pant happily, letting his tongue hang out at how good it feels having his hard, churning stomach tended to by Kagome.  If he overeats to the point where he gives himself a gnarly bellyache, he’ll be stuffed with a huge, medicine ball of a belly, one that’s forced his robes open while it weighs heavily on his lap.  In cases like that where Inuyasha is full to the brim, he’ll knead his giant belly with his palms and claws and work up some of the largest belches he can manage.  Kagome will get annoyed and tell him to stop being so gross, but Inuyasha will complain he can’t help it, he’s too full and needs to ease the pressure somehow.  He’ll really knead and press into his belly too, making his fingers sink into his soft, currently sloshy gut to force up some huge, throaty belches.  In fact, if Kagome complains that Inuyasha’s being gross, he’ll make it a point to make himself burp louder and more frequently just to troll her, especially since he knows if she uses the curse against him when he’s that bloated, he may be sick and even she doesn’t want that.......she’ll totally get back at him after he finishes digesting his heavy meal though...

And that’s your lot!  If you guys have any more characters you wanna see write ups for, hit up my ask box!  :)

[mxvladdy]

Sleep HCs

It’s a sleepy day for me and by doggo so here are some sleep head cannons of the brothers bc why not.

Lucifer 

Is a stomach or side sleeper. Not because he likes it but out of necessity. His back still irritates him, so when he actually schedules some shut eye he preps meticulously. 

He bathes before hand, usually soaking in a mix of muscle relaxers to help release some of the tension from the work day and to help with his nerve damage. His favorite scents are lavender and a blend of spearmint. They make him a little drowsy and soften his perpetual headache. 

His bed is very nest-like. Pillows and blankets meticulously placed to help him stay in one place while he rests. Too much tossing and turning irritates him. He likes feeling cocooned and tight. It is a self soothing mechanism he developed over his first few years in the devildom. 

But this is all when he actually has time to sleep for more than a few hours. 

Most of his sleeping is little naps thrown in over the work week. On average he gets about 14-18 hours a week. It’s enough (so he says but he is a cantankerous bastard regardless so it’s hard to tell for sure) 

He sleeps like the dead, hands down corpse like. But don’t let that fool you, he doesn’t sleep like the dead. He is up and moving the moment he hears something that sounds like trouble. 

Runs cold. Has fancy silk pajama sets. A gift from Diavolo. 

His mattress is extra firm.

Mammon 

Back and side sleeper. He has a bed- but he uses it mostly as an extension to his wardrobe. Let's be real. He’s a messy guy. He normally crashes on his couch after a wild weekend bender.

He moves a lot in his sleep, kicking, tossing and turning. An absolute tangle of limbs and clothes. Like Lucifer he has a few scars and old injuries that twinge and hurt when he lays on them. Not that it stops him. 

He sleeps like the dead, tossing and turning and all. Short of someone dragging him off his couch or touching goldie he doesn’t wake up. 

Snores and drools-will not admit it but when he stumbles out of his room looking like a hot mess, crusty eyes and bedraggled hair you know he had a great sleep. 

He doesn’t have a set sleeping schedule. He goes until he crashes- like the energizer bunny. 

Sleeps with one body pillow. Likes the feel of having something draping or touching him in his sleep. Reminds him of when he would fall asleep with his brothers after a long day of training and studying in the celestial realm. 

Runs hot so he likes to sleep in his boxers and a tank top.

His mattress is medium firm

Leviathan 

Does he sleep? The world may never know. 

Between the energy drinks he practically IV drips into his veins and he determination to power though another level he doesn’t remember when he sleeps.

He just blacks out. A blink turns into a twelve hour coma. 

His tub is comfy as hell and everybody knows it. It cradles him when he sleeps, blankets and pillows are now molded to his shape. 

He washes his tub lining often. He really likes the smell of citrus and musk. Whenever the smell begins to dissipate he’ll toss it all in the wash. Minus his novelty pillows. Those get dry cleaned or spot cleaned. 

He’s a side sleeper. Once he’s settled he ain’t moving. 

Though since he doesn’t plan to sleep 80% of the time he passes out at his desk. But can you blame him? I bet he has a super cozy gaming chair and pillow.

Runs cold. Cocoons himself in mounds of blankets. Snake burrito. 

He doesn’t have a mattress but the mound of pillows and blankets is the equivalent of a medium soft mattress 

Satan

Probably has the most normal sleep schedule. He has a set wind down time and lights out time too.

Does he keep to it? I mean- it’s the thought that counts. If he is wrapped up in a good book or research time just gets the better of him. 

He has his bed nestled up against the one window of his room that isn’t covered in books or shelves 

Uses the eternal moonlight to read. Drifts off most evenings with a book slipping down his chest.

Sleeps propped up on a poof or reading pillow. Doesn’t like things covering him. He runs hot so his pajamas are enough for him. 

Needs the least amount of sleep out of all the brothers. He loves that. Means he can read and do more without it hampering his mood.

Very light sleeper any shift he does in his sleep wakes him up. But he normally falls right back to sleep. 

His mattress is firm 

Asmodeus

Scheduled down to the minute. If he doesn’t get his nine hours of sleep be prepared for a scene. 

Starts getting ready for bed about two hours before he actually falls asleep. Hot bath, oils, new face mask to try, the works. School can be stressful you know? And six brothers? It’s a miracle he doesn’t have wrinkles yet.   

He keeps his bedroom tidy and always smelling good. Needless clutter messes with him and makes it hard for him to fall asleep. 

Has a noise machine and an oil diffuser on when he sleeps. Even if he's in bed he knows his brothers aren't so it helps mute them so he can sleep.

Sleeps in the nude. He doesn't run hot or cold but he likes to sleep in a cooler room. Helps shrink the pores or something like that. 

His bed is large but sparse. He really only needs his silk sheets and a thin cover. He has a few bolster pillows and poofs on the bed but really he doesn't sleep with pillows. 

Is a back sleeper and- no one will tell him this on fear of death but he is an ugly sleeper. 

Mouth open, limbs akimbo, soft little snores and snorts. It’s cute, whether or not he thinks so. 

His mattress is soft

Beelzebub

Tries to have a good sleep schedule. It’s imperative to keeping up a healthy body after all.

But he gets so hungry. He gorges himself when he starts to feel tired in hopes that he can sleep a few hours before getting up for a midnight (or anytime snack) 

He drinks a lot of tea actually right before bed. It makes him sleepy and fills up his stomach. 

He sleeps on his stomach with his arms wrapped around his pillow. Another one that sleeps in the buff too. He is a night sweater too. 

He only started covering himself for bed when you started living with them. It’s only polite. 

Gets about 2 to 3 hours at a time with a snack break in between. 

He doesn’t have a lot of pillows mostly because he has eaten them while dreaming. Constantly buying new pillows adds up ya know?

He doesn’t toss and turn but he does roll over once or twice in the night.

Dead silent when he sleeps. He just emits a deep rumble when he snoozes. From his chest or his stomach. It’s a 50/50 split. 

His mattress is medium firm 

Belphegor 

Ha.

The king of sleep. The lord of stealth sleeping. It’s become a sport to him now. How many sleeping nooks can he find around R.A.D so Lucifer’s blood pressure spikes looking for him. His highest score is 37. 

If he could sleep with his eyes open he would. But he can’t and he hates it.

He likes to sleep during the school day. It’s a mix of protesting this dumb idea and so that he can stay up at night when everything is nice and quiet. 

It doesn’t  matter to him where or how he sleeps. As long as he can curl up around something soft he is happy. 

Likes it dark and very snug when he’s sleeping. A very still sleeper. Once he’s comfy he locks in place. 

Murmurs in his sleep. Little disjointed things. You can have a full fledged conversation with him. He’ll give you little grunts and sighs in response. 

If he does get to his room before falling asleep he buries himself in blankets to the point where you can't figure out if he is in there or not. (Kinda like those lizards that bury themselves in sand, same motion and everything.) 

Again doesn’t care where he sleeps but his mattress is soft.